Doing Things Solo

Terrifying or incredibly rewarding?

Last week I went to a concert by myself and I have been thinking about it ever since.

Yes, the singer was particularly attractive, but that’s not the reason.

After I came back from a solo trip to London where I attended shows, events, and ate out alone the whole time, I came back determined not to wait on anyone to check items off of my bucket list. I got tired of seeing my favorite artists go on tour and having to give it up realizing I had no friends in the area that would be interested in going.

When the Dice app suggested me Chance Peña concert tickets for €27 back in August, I couldn’t pass that up. I love indie music. I am always transported into a vintage pickup truck driving through Montana when I listen to these sensitive souls. (Yellowstone is an other item in that looong bucket list hehe).

I hadn’t had much time to overthink the event. A new job and university had kept my mind occupied in the weeks leading up to it. I jumped in the metro and speed-walked to the venue as soon as I got off work.

The concert took place at l’Alhambra, an intimate 600-seat room. I know that sounds like quite the oxymoron, but it felt really small. I got some chips and a glass of coke. Funny how sober drinks are much easier when I’m by myself. I walked up the stairs looking for a seat.

I didn’t have the courage to stand up in the pit, nor the physical capacity, as I had hurt my back 24 hours prior. One morning I woke up and couldn’t stand straight or properly walk. I booked a chiropractor appointment. He said it was my body reacting to my new job and that my spine was not where it was supposed it. Two days. Two days of work and my body’s couldn’t handle it. I mean, I just found that hilarious.

I made it to the balcony and looked for an empty spot. And there it was, between two introverts hunched over their book: my kind of people… They smiled, I sat down and pulled out my current read.

I ended giving up my seat to some older lady and sitting on stairs because the exit sign light was pushing me over the edge lol. As I sat down, a cute brunette offered me the seat on her left. Someone else who came alone! I should mention this was the best seat ever.

Was the Universe rewarding me ? I think so.

Jonah Kagen, a singer from Georgia I didn’t know, opened the show. It was phe-no-me-nal. Each song made me want to travel back to North America, live on a ranch, and fall in love with a man who wears boots. I clapped, sang and cried. Life felt so worth it. People below us danced, hugged, and kissed. Humankind appeared endearing, for once.

And you know what the best part of this whole thing was?

I didn’t have to ask a stranger to get a picture of me and some half-ass boyfriend who doesn’t care, hold back from crying or screaming at the end of a song because the people I came with don’t like to get emotional, or remain in my initial seat because it’s rude to switch unassigned seats.

You don’t need someone by your side to listen to music. Otherwise headphones wouldn’t have been invented. So why on earth would we need someone who doesn’t feel like time stops when they listen to that one song to drag themselves to a concert they barely care about?

What begins as a terrifying experience always turns into a tremendously empowering moment. I wouldn’t describe it as instant gratification because there is that awkward period of time where you have just put yourself out there and everyone seems to be staring a you. They are, for a moment.

Taking yourself out reinforces your sense of self and grounds you is a powerful anchor in the present moment. It’s a massive self care act. It’s tangible proof to your nervous system that you are your best care-taker! And once you have that, you allow people into your life on the basis of added value rather than emotional need. Now, don’t get me wrong, friends are a necessity. They do serve countless purposes. They make us laugh, feel seen, and even wipe our tears sometimes. They really do make life better. But when you appreciate them for what they are, and not what they can fix in your life… Oh boy does it get magical.

So book that freaking ticket!! Chances are you’ll meet really fun people.

Warning: Side effects might include an increased appreciation of self leading to isolation. For a little bit. A lot. Quite a lot actually. You’ll figure it out.

Now, I don’t think becoming a monk is necessarily a shortcut to cultivating self-love and independence. You really have to pick your moments. The power of alone time comes from regularity, not quantity.

Alright, that’s it. Just a heads up I am not a hermit 24/7. I love people. I plan to book a concert with a friend soon. I do get out. But when I get home ? Yeah, that feels really fucking nice.

Happy spooky season 👻

Flore Xx